Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
