she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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