sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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