Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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