After last night, I could never be a politician.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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