You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
