So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
