Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
