you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
