btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
