I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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