How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
