dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
