Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
