eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
