Dude my mom stole all your condoms
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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