those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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