i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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