TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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