My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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