I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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