shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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