So drunk its hurt
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
