GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize