I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
