I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
