I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
