Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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