Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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