Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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