Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
