but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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