You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
