I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
