NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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