Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
