i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
