Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
