sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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