I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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