So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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