Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
