my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
