I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
