I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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