So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Boobs are out for the taking
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So vagazzling was a success
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
