he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
