i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
