best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize