There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
