Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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