a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
