At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
