You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i drank out of a bidet.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
