help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
