Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
