I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
