Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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