You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
