You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
