you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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