Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
