He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
