You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
