The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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