Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
