Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
