got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
