Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
