Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Say something about gay babies.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
