Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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