proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
