North Korea, Best Korea!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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