Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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