So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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