she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
