Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
