i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
