I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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