and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
