I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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