she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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