I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
