I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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