FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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