My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
