i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
be right there i have to get my cape
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
