There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
